I am currently standing in a bathroom in the Memphis airport, pumping breast milk and trying to figure out the balance between work and family.
How do you do work trips with a six month old? (Hint...it requires a lot of luggage and help from family.)
How do you get 8 hours worth of work done in the 6 hours she is in child care each day?
How do you prioritize your child while at the same time wanting to show her that work also matters?
How do both parents work and spend time with baby and spend time with each other?
There was a news story the other day about dads opening up about their struggles with the work-family balance. My first thought was, "yeah, but it isn't a hard on you. It doesn't stall your career in the same way."
Then I look at my husband who doing his best to be both attentive dad and professor working towards tenure. I think about good friends from college; the dad stays him with their three kids so the mom can work (which requires lots of travel). It is hard on them too.
I have decided that I am done with the "can women have it all" question. It doesn't actually lead to discussion. It can't go anywhere. The answer is always no.
No one can have it all, right? No one gets everything they want, and everyone has to prioritize. And at some level everyone, men and women, has to make daily decisions about how to spend their time and energy and what they want out of life.
Now, don't get me wrong. I do think that there are institutional barriers to women who want both a career and family. What I am coming to see, however, is that we can't keep making the conversation about individual families, or specific companies, or even women in particular. What we really need is to talk about is how all families need help and everyone needs a work-life balance and how our local, state, and federals policies do little to actually support us.
Where is our paid maternity/paternity leave? Why do I have to go on "disability" because I have had a child? Why would my adopted child not be covered under this disability? Why do you lose your health insurance if you work part-time?Where is the access to affordable, high-quality public education? Why is success measured in terms of finances or status? Why can't your career be about engaging in meaningful work rather than the number of hours you put in? Why is individual and family leisure time not valued?
I don't mean to sound cynical. I know that the answers to these questions aren't easy and that it is unrealistic to say, "screw it...let's move to Denmark". But there has to be another way. There has to be a way that values families, while allowing parents to work and contribute to the world. There has to be a way that balances our worth as humans and our financial value. Right?
How do you do work trips with a six month old? (Hint...it requires a lot of luggage and help from family.)
How do you get 8 hours worth of work done in the 6 hours she is in child care each day?
How do you prioritize your child while at the same time wanting to show her that work also matters?
How do both parents work and spend time with baby and spend time with each other?
________
There was a news story the other day about dads opening up about their struggles with the work-family balance. My first thought was, "yeah, but it isn't a hard on you. It doesn't stall your career in the same way."
Then I look at my husband who doing his best to be both attentive dad and professor working towards tenure. I think about good friends from college; the dad stays him with their three kids so the mom can work (which requires lots of travel). It is hard on them too.
________
I have decided that I am done with the "can women have it all" question. It doesn't actually lead to discussion. It can't go anywhere. The answer is always no.
No one can have it all, right? No one gets everything they want, and everyone has to prioritize. And at some level everyone, men and women, has to make daily decisions about how to spend their time and energy and what they want out of life.
Now, don't get me wrong. I do think that there are institutional barriers to women who want both a career and family. What I am coming to see, however, is that we can't keep making the conversation about individual families, or specific companies, or even women in particular. What we really need is to talk about is how all families need help and everyone needs a work-life balance and how our local, state, and federals policies do little to actually support us.
Where is our paid maternity/paternity leave? Why do I have to go on "disability" because I have had a child? Why would my adopted child not be covered under this disability? Why do you lose your health insurance if you work part-time?Where is the access to affordable, high-quality public education? Why is success measured in terms of finances or status? Why can't your career be about engaging in meaningful work rather than the number of hours you put in? Why is individual and family leisure time not valued?
I don't mean to sound cynical. I know that the answers to these questions aren't easy and that it is unrealistic to say, "screw it...let's move to Denmark". But there has to be another way. There has to be a way that values families, while allowing parents to work and contribute to the world. There has to be a way that balances our worth as humans and our financial value. Right?
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