Although I have been up at 2 am almost every night for the past nine months, I am up tonight for the following reasons:
1) We had another rat situation which translates into Will setting a trap and me donning rubber gloves and carrying out the dead rat and trap out to the garbage.
2) Fiona just spent an hour and 15 minutes crying herself to sleep, and though I am exhausted, I can't go back to sleep because of the nagging feeling that we have done something terribly wrong and awful to our girl.
My mind is reeling.
1) We had another rat situation which translates into Will setting a trap and me donning rubber gloves and carrying out the dead rat and trap out to the garbage.
2) Fiona just spent an hour and 15 minutes crying herself to sleep, and though I am exhausted, I can't go back to sleep because of the nagging feeling that we have done something terribly wrong and awful to our girl.
My mind is reeling.
- Will she be scarred forever from two nights of crying?
- Have we damaged her trust in us?
- Does she feel abandoned or unloved?
- Am I putting my need for sleep above her need for responsive caregiving?
- I am so tired that I am angry at my husband, not present with my child, unable to focus at work, and feel not quite there all the time.
- Did we just intentionally put her in harm's way?
- How do we help her face hardship all the while having that gutwrenching feeling of seeing her upset?
- I have a pit in my stomach, knowing that harm will come to her in many ways in her lifetime and we won't be able to stop it everytime.
- Why can't I shield her from all pain?
- Why are so many of life's lessons learned through struggle?
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