One of my thesis and dissertation committee members has a poster on her office door. It reads, "There are bad grades, bad hair days, and bad choices, but there is no such thing as a bad kid." I always liked its message, but didn't spend time really reflecting on it until having my own child.
Fiona has been a world traveler (okay...southern USA traveler) in her first four months. She has already made two trips to Louisiana, time with friends and family in Arkansas, a day trip to Mississippi, a series of flights to see family in South Carolina, a sleepover with friends in North Carolina, and a series of flights to a conference in Texas. For the most part, she really does take these in stride... sleeping, nursing, smiling, and only a little bit of fussing. She is extremely curious and just watches everyone and everything around her.
What has struck me though on these trips is not her easy-going attitude. Instead, it is how many people say "oh, your baby is so good" when they mean "thank goodness your baby is not crying".
Now don't get me wrong, I am so glad she is not a screaming traveler (at least not yet...I have been warned that even the quietest little ones will have a meltdown at some time). But is that what makes her "good"? Would she not be good if she were the screaming child on the plane? (Don't get me started on my rant about adults being angry at screaming babies on a plane...)
Isn't she good in and of herself?
Isn't she good because she is a person?
Isn't she worthy of love, affection, and respect just because?
Isn't there a difference between essence and behavior?
Isn't it good for her to be able to express her distress in addition to expressing her contentment?
I hope as she grows that she knows she is good as is, bad choices and behavior and all. I wonder if we all started treating each other and ourselves as good people (who yes do bad things occassionally and should take responsibility for those decisions and actions) there would be less shame and less destructive behavior aimed at escaping that shame. Oh, if only.
...
(And because mostly everyone likes baby pictures...here are some from our trips this summer.)
Sleeping with Nana in Shreveport
Hanging with cousin Gracie in Arkansas
Chilling with daddy in Hilton Head
And extra tired parents and baby in San Antonio (isn't it weird how babies sleep with their eyes open sometimes?!)
Fiona has been a world traveler (okay...southern USA traveler) in her first four months. She has already made two trips to Louisiana, time with friends and family in Arkansas, a day trip to Mississippi, a series of flights to see family in South Carolina, a sleepover with friends in North Carolina, and a series of flights to a conference in Texas. For the most part, she really does take these in stride... sleeping, nursing, smiling, and only a little bit of fussing. She is extremely curious and just watches everyone and everything around her.
What has struck me though on these trips is not her easy-going attitude. Instead, it is how many people say "oh, your baby is so good" when they mean "thank goodness your baby is not crying".
Now don't get me wrong, I am so glad she is not a screaming traveler (at least not yet...I have been warned that even the quietest little ones will have a meltdown at some time). But is that what makes her "good"? Would she not be good if she were the screaming child on the plane? (Don't get me started on my rant about adults being angry at screaming babies on a plane...)
Isn't she good in and of herself?
Isn't she good because she is a person?
Isn't she worthy of love, affection, and respect just because?
Isn't there a difference between essence and behavior?
Isn't it good for her to be able to express her distress in addition to expressing her contentment?
I hope as she grows that she knows she is good as is, bad choices and behavior and all. I wonder if we all started treating each other and ourselves as good people (who yes do bad things occassionally and should take responsibility for those decisions and actions) there would be less shame and less destructive behavior aimed at escaping that shame. Oh, if only.
...
(And because mostly everyone likes baby pictures...here are some from our trips this summer.)
Sleeping with Nana in Shreveport
Hanging with cousin Gracie in Arkansas
And extra tired parents and baby in San Antonio (isn't it weird how babies sleep with their eyes open sometimes?!)
