I am terrified.
My daughter loves pink, purple, and baby dolls. She loves wearing dresses and is obsessed with shoes and bags. She even likes wearing...bows. Bows, people. Then at Target the other day, she picked out a bright pink Minnie Mouse hat. There is so much pink it my house that it scares the daylights out of me.
I was never very feminine as a kid. I hated dresses and pink. I prided myself on being a tomboy and able to do all the stuff the boys did. I have since become a little more feminine, but still would never describe myself in that way.
I was fully prepared to dress my daughter in "boy" clothes and defended her right and ability to engage in activities considered for boys. I always said that my daughter would not wear bows or frilly outfits or be afraid to get dirty. I said I didn't mind if she played princess while in my mind, I thought, "She'll never want to do that".
But I never thought she would choose a more feminine route for herself. And I feel a little anxious about it.
I know that feminism is more her right to choose for herself than the colors and clothes she chooses to wear, but I fear her getting stuck too early in one image of a woman.
I know that she loves to build with blocks and play in the dirt just as much as she likes to diaper her baby and put her night-night, but I don't want her to think that motherhood is the only option for her future.
(Side note: Can I tell you how much I hate that people tell her "You're such a good mommy" when she is being nurturing to her baby. Don't push her into motherhood if that is not her choice or teach her that only mothers are nurturing.)
I know that it is the conversations that we have about equality and equity that will guide her understanding, but I wonder what messages she is getting right now through interactions around clothes and toys.
What is a feminist mom to do? I suppose that part of the answer is accepting who she is, regardless of her personal style. I suppose it is knowing that it is broadening my understanding of what a woman can be and allowing her to define that for herself. I supposed I need to immerse myself in pink bows, stop making such a big deal about it, and get over it.
So as a beginning of getting over it... here are some super girly pictures of my sweet and spunky girl.
My daughter loves pink, purple, and baby dolls. She loves wearing dresses and is obsessed with shoes and bags. She even likes wearing...bows. Bows, people. Then at Target the other day, she picked out a bright pink Minnie Mouse hat. There is so much pink it my house that it scares the daylights out of me.
I was never very feminine as a kid. I hated dresses and pink. I prided myself on being a tomboy and able to do all the stuff the boys did. I have since become a little more feminine, but still would never describe myself in that way.
I was fully prepared to dress my daughter in "boy" clothes and defended her right and ability to engage in activities considered for boys. I always said that my daughter would not wear bows or frilly outfits or be afraid to get dirty. I said I didn't mind if she played princess while in my mind, I thought, "She'll never want to do that".
But I never thought she would choose a more feminine route for herself. And I feel a little anxious about it.
I know that feminism is more her right to choose for herself than the colors and clothes she chooses to wear, but I fear her getting stuck too early in one image of a woman.
I know that she loves to build with blocks and play in the dirt just as much as she likes to diaper her baby and put her night-night, but I don't want her to think that motherhood is the only option for her future.
(Side note: Can I tell you how much I hate that people tell her "You're such a good mommy" when she is being nurturing to her baby. Don't push her into motherhood if that is not her choice or teach her that only mothers are nurturing.)
I know that it is the conversations that we have about equality and equity that will guide her understanding, but I wonder what messages she is getting right now through interactions around clothes and toys.
What is a feminist mom to do? I suppose that part of the answer is accepting who she is, regardless of her personal style. I suppose it is knowing that it is broadening my understanding of what a woman can be and allowing her to define that for herself. I supposed I need to immerse myself in pink bows, stop making such a big deal about it, and get over it.
So as a beginning of getting over it... here are some super girly pictures of my sweet and spunky girl.
Her purple pony undies and shiny pink shoes
A girl and her baby
Bows and breakfast
Minnie Mouse hat to match her Minnie Mouse car
2 comments:
I freakin' love you. For this whole thing. And for especially this part, "Side note: Can I tell you how much I hate that people tell her "You're such a good mommy" when she is being nurturing to her baby. Don't push her into motherhood if that is not her choice or teach her that only mothers are nurturing."
I never thought of it that way.
I love you Ashlie... both for your way of being your own woman and that you support my craziness!
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