Mothering

It might be a surprise, but I am not a big holiday person. I like Halloween -mostly for an excuse to play dress up, and I love the Christmas season - because I have an excuse to sing cheesy songs, watch sappy movies, bake cookies, and consume copious amounts of hot chocolate. (Really, I should just live in a musical.)

Now, don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with family, eating yummy foods, and getting/giving presents. Not working is pretty good too. But other than Christmas, I just don't need a lot of holiday hype.

I have mixed feelings when I consider my first Mother's Day. After my daughter, my first thought is for all of the women out there who want to be mothers but aren't. I think about how I felt on Mother's Day after my miscarriage and before I was pregnant with Fiona...desperately wanting a child and not knowing if it would happen.

Or I think about children who have been neglected or abused by their mothers, or those who have lost a mother. I think about the mothers who have lost children and what pain they must feel on this day.

So here I sit, looking at my precious daughter, with grateful tears in my eyes, and wonder about mothering.

I came across this phrase the other day in the book "Daring Greatly": my mothering is bigger than...

The idea is that mothering is bigger than one decision or action. While this thought is extremely comforting to me, the mother who gets unnecessarily anxious about my child's long term development, I think it is incomplete.

Maybe it is the word...
Maybe it is the pressure to be the perfect mother...
Maybe it is the expectation put on women to be mothers even if they can't or don't want to...
Maybe it is me learning to incorporate this new role into my understanding of myself...

I am not sure. But I feel like on this day that we celebrate mothers, that it should really be a celebration of women, of the feminine. A celebration of nurturing and sustenance. A celebration of sacrifice and strength. A celebration of teaching and learning.

So today, I celebrate the connection I have with other women, especially those who have nurtured me through various times of my life and who have already nurtured my daughter. I thank you for all that you have bestowed upon me. I hope to bless others as you have blessed me.

Happy day of mothering to each of you.