Love and marriage and parenting

When I was in elementary school, my sisters and I used to watch "Married with Children". I am not sure who thought of this line up, but it was on in between episodes of "I Love Lucy", and so we would watch it because we were too lazy to get up and change the channel.

I don't remember any episodes and I am sure that as a 10 year old I did not understand the jokes. I know now that it was simultaneously not the healthiest picture of a family and a semi-realistic picture of family life (i.e., a mixing of various personalities combined with daily responsibilities that are sometimes entertaining and sometimes annoying).

A perfect picture of our relationship. 

Will and I just celebrated our fifth anniversary and are approaching Fiona's first birthday. In some ways our marriage hasn't changed much over the years. We still have Saturday morning breakfast (see recent example of crepes below!): a tradition started in grad school when we were both working so much that we didn't have much time together during the week. We still make the same jokes: Will makes up silly songs and I use the comeback "so's your face" daily. We still go to bed at different times: Will out by 8:30, me watching Gilmore Girls and working late into the night.

Crepes: way easier to make than I thought. Seriously, even easier than pancakes. Go now and make them. 

In other ways though we have changed so much, especially as we navigate parenting.

I have become more introverted.

Will eats fewer carbs and more tofu.

We have more conversations about poop than I thought possible (baby's, not ours).

But what has really changed (at least for me) is my understanding of romance.

I can't remember when Will shared this quotation with me, but it comes from one of his favorite writers, David Foster Wallace. I do remember him sharing that this was his idea of love and romance.

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”

When we were first married, I still had the picture of honeymoon-type romance in my head. Big gestures, flowers, candles, talking late into the night, going on adventures. 

But now, I get it. There is nothing sexier than a man showing up everyday for his family... changing diapers that make him gag, doing night duty so I can sleep, cleaning my nasty loose tea leaves out of the sink. 

But William out did himself last week. He planned dinners for the week, printed the recipes, bought the groceries, and surprised me with a new wok. I mean, come on people, what is sexier than saving a woman time and energy and providing your family with healthy meals? Nothing I tell you, nothing (except perhaps when he dresses like Neal Caffrey on White Collar). 

I guess this means I will put up with his early morning puns a little longer.